Story: A Cowboy & A Lesbian

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, another man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied.....

'I ALWAYS THOUGHT I WAS, BUT I JUST FOUND OUT THAT I'M A LESBIAN'.

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Story by Jefus

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Jefus Story: Old wisdom

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."

The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"

The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."

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Story by: Jefus
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Lessons Learnt:

Women are intelligent - truthfully intelligent at odd times!

Men are naive - truthfully naive at odd hours!

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Financial Knowledge for Dummies (Part 2)

In a small town on the South Coast of France, holiday season is in full swing, but it is raining so there is not too much business happening.
Everyone is heavily in debt.
Luckily, a rich Russian tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel.
He asks for a room and puts a Euro100 note on the reception counter, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.
The hotel owner takes the banknote in a hurry and rushes to his meat supplier to whom he owes EU100.
The butcher takes the money and races to his supplier to pay his debt.
The wholesaler rushes to the farmer to pay EU100 for pigs he purchased some time ago.
The farmer triumphantly gives the EU100 note to a local prostitute who gave him her services on credit.
The prostitute goes quickly to the hotel, as she was owing the hotel for her hourly rooms used to entertain clients.

At that moment, the rich Russian is coming down to reception and informs the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory and takes his EU100 back and departs.

There was no profit or income.

But everyone no longer has any debt and the small townspeople small look optimistically towards their future.

COULD THIS BE THE SOLUTION TO THE GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS?

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Source Provider: Jefus
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Story: Talking Frog

The man is 85 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.'

He looked around and couldn't see any one.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'

He looked over the side and there, floating in the water, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age comes wisdom.



Story Supplier: Jefus

Jefus Story: Monastery life

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.

So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.'

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.

He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

'We missed the R ! We missed the R !

We missed the R !'

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With A choking voice, the old abbot replies,
'


The word was...



CELEBRATE !!!


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Lessons Learned:

Never Trust The Written Word!

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Story from Jefus

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Jefus Story (1): Financial Planning

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away. 'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit £20 million.'

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Moral Lesson:

Women are so much better at money than men !

Amoral Lesson:

Take on the stepmum next!

Story Provider: Jefus

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