TV SMITH's Gangsta's Paradise

NOTE:

My Blog address had been changed to:

maverickysm.blogspot.com

(Previous address: maverick9843.blogspot.com)
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TV SMITH's Dua Sen: Gangsta's Paradise

Below is a satirical article from TV SMITH relating to the statement made by the Mentri Besar of Perlis, confirming the latest recruitment drive by Kangar Municipal Council to employ Thugs, Gangsters, or Village Bullies to serve as Enforcement Officers to collect Quit Rents and to harass illegal squatters in the state.

Perlis will be the first State in Malaysia to evolve back to the ages of the 1920s where the secret societies rule the warring States. This is the Perlis version of the "Boxer Revolution" in like pattern of the history of the Three Kingdom in China.

GANGSTA'S PARADISE
by TV Smith
05/11/04

According to the Menteri Besar of Perils, ex gangsters and village bullies may be roped in to beef up the municipal council's enforcement unit. Dismayed by the lax enforcement from existing personnel, the tiny state is turning to tattoos and scars. If the "Kongsi, Kongsi Gelap" initiative is successful, stalwarts of the underworld may soon be employed at the national level…

Name: Samsu Mani, 32.
Background: Related to gangster godfather Bentong Kali (no relation to Bangsar Kali).
Experience: Operated in the country's most violent crime zone: Sri Sentosa, KL.
Specialty: Extortion, mugging, vandalism, armed robbery.
Proposed designation: Head of Criminal Investigation Department.

Name: Tua Lan Pah (aka Bola Besar), 38.
Background: God grandson of the celebrated gangster Botak Chin.
Experience: Former Tiger General of Jinjang. Member of Gang 18, 36, 72, Flower 811.
Specialty: Prostitution, illegal betting, narcotics, protection racket.
Proposed designation: Head of Vice & Anti-Narcotics.

Name: Hard Kaur, 26.
Background: Daughter of legendary hitman Sum Singh (aka Samseng).
Experience: Believed to be a loner. No additional information available.
Specialty: Counterfeit documents, assassination.
Proposed designation: Head of Registrar of Births, Deaths & Marriages.

Name: Kerbau Ismail, 27.
Background: Rumoured to be son of the famous Ismail Kerbau.
Experience: Ex-Mamak Gang, former Controller of Chow Kit market.
Specialty: Warehouse robbery, burglary, high-speed escape.
Proposed designation: Head of Anti-Smuggling Unit.

Name: Charles de Souza (aka Charles Susah or Chapalang Charlie), 43.
Background: Part descendent of Portuguese, Dutch and British invaders.
Experience: Former village bully of Portuguese Settlement, Malacca.
Specialty: Protection money from buskers, pub singers and tour guides.
Proposed designation: Head of Entertainment Licensing Board.

Name: Googa anak Googer, 24 (no relation to the search engine).
Background: Cousin of Job anak Street (no relation to the recruitment portal).
Experience: Official pick pocket of 1996 Gawai Festival.
Specialty: Cross border human resource smuggling.
Proposed designation: Head of Immigration Department.