Thursday, October 26, 2006

Jokes, Jokes, Jokes

Let's have a few more jokes for the festive week.

Story No: 1 - The Experience Mechanic
submitted by BayiSingh

Ever heard the story of the giant ship engine that failed?

The ship's owners tried one expert after another, but none of them could figure but how to fix the engine. Then they brought in an old man who had been fixing ships since he was a youngster. He carried a large bag of tools with him, and when he arrived, he immediately went to work.

He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom. Two of the ship's owners were there, watching this man, hoping he would know what to do. After looking things over, the old man reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer. He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine lurched into life. He carefully put his hammer away. The engine was fixed!

A week later, the owners received a bill from the old man for ten thousand dollars.
"What?!" the owners exclaimed. "He hardly did anything!"

So they wrote the old man a note saying, "Please send us an itemized bill."

The man sent a bill that read:

Tapping with a hammer ......................... $ 2.00
Knowing where to tap ......................... $ 9998.00

Story No: 2 - The Wisdom of Solomon
submitted by: Jewlarious

Yossi and Yitzhak are on a train across Poland, each on his way to meet a prospective bride on the other side of the country. Halfway there, Yitzhak turns to Yossi and says, "Forget about this whole marriage thing. I just don't like the idea." So he gets off at the next stop and makes his way back home.

Meanwhile, Yossi continues on and is met at the final destination by the mothers of the two prospective brides. When the mothers realize what has happened, they instantly begin to fight over whose daughter should wed this precious little boychik. "He's mine!" cries one. "Not on your life," cries the other. "He will marry my daughter!"

After bickering for a while, Yossi and the two mothers decide to go the rabbi and ask him to resolve the situation. In the grand tradition of the ancients, the rabbi replies:

"Well, there is only one solution to this problem. Cut the boy in half, and you each take half home with you."

At this, the first mother looks shocked, while the second mother grins and cries emphatically, "Yah! Cut him in half!!"

The rabbi points to the second mother and says:

"That is the real mother-in-law. Case closed."

Story No: 3 - Wipeout
submitted by: Jewlarious

A Jewish grandmother is babysitting her grandson at the beach. He has his pail and shovel and is digging in the sand on the ocean's edge like any child would. All of a sudden a gigantic wave barrels in from the ocean, scoops up the child, his pail and shovel and sweeps them out to sea. The horrified grandmother shrieks in horror and starts pleading with God:

"Please, please my grandson, save him! You're a merciful God, and he is only a child." Finally a gigantic wave comes in from the ocean and deposits the little boy back with his pail and shovel exactly where he was before.

The grandmother looks him over with great relief and then she yells at God:

"Where is his hat? He was wearing a hat!!"

Story No: 4 - Marital Problems
submitted by: Ruti

A man and woman are having marriage problems and decide to meet with the Rabbi in order to prevent the termination of their very short relationship. The Rabbi asks the husband, "What has brought you to the point where you are not able to keep this marriage together?"

The husband says, "In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing."

"Seven weeks," the wife says.

Story No: 5 - Duck Thief

Have you seen a family of duck thieves?

watch mother goose!!!!


l said...

all good funny jokes which i haven't came across before. thanks!

Maverick SM said...

Lucia, why you initial is I???????

lucia said...

aiya, that was an accident lah... for posting too fast i guess. usually my name will come out automatically when i just type in the letter 'l' (follwed by u,c,i,a). in this instance i think when i type 'l' i didn't wait for the rest of the letters suddenly i hit enter. (publish comment0)