Dear Thelma,I was married to a husband whose family is financially unstable. My father-in-law is 50, does not own a house and has zero savings, no EPF nor health insurance. He borrowed money and wants my husband to pay his debt.
My sister-in-law is overweight and does not plan to lose weight. Would my husband have to care for her for the rest of her life?
My husband earns less than me. I fear that any children I have will absorb my in-laws' negative aspects.
I walk around my office with a calculator to tabulate our expenses. I can't tell my parents about all this. I'm upset over this and my health is affected. If my husband cannot get rid of them, I would.
Signed: Depressed Wife.
Dear Depressed wife,
You shouldn't be expected to work hard to support your husband's family. It's a little too late to bemoan the family you had married. Your husband will be placed in a difficult position when he had to choose you over his parents. We are all so human. Try not to offend when you can tolerate. Life is sweeter and easier when we have peace of mind and heart. It is necessary to care for the old folks. But your husband can set some parameters and start saving for his own family. A marriage needs to be sustained by compromise, sacrifice, and a great deal of love and understanding.
Signed: Thelma
(This is only a cut-and-paste of a portion of the whole, that makes it interesting to ponder)
Is that interesting problem? Do you agree with Thelma? Or, you have some other advice?
8 comments:
well so what do they say about... you marry a man and you marry his family...
*sigh* the woman should before marriage agree not to live with the family (that's what most young couples did anyway) OR agree not to support his family. but as it is now, she has no choice but to tolerate the hubby's family... and like thelma advised, ought to advise the hubby to start saving for his own family.
You should had thought all these over thoroughly BEFORE you took the plunge with your hubby, and NOT AFTER...I'm sure you had seen all the members of his family, especially his papa without a house, before you said "I DO". Now it is a little too late to say "I DON'T"
Love is blind. Marriage opens the eyes.
Lepas kahwin baru celik matanya.
She is asking for advise to move forward and not lectures on her past. Past has already been done with, can't change that.
So, what's your take, PMS?
she needs a booster...
the depressed wife can still have a great life of her own...
slowly plan a way to run away from the house; get rid that fella husband who'd tied his balls to the wall...
build a career and get herself a new honda civic 1.8iVTEC... that boost her confidence!
not another Rayappan or Moorthy nightmare lah... enough over December 2006!
go to the gym, shape up those B**B, she can get new husband lah... Malaysia Boleh ma...
all is in the mind!
My advice is:-
If your (hubby's) family enjoy spending money, then the only way for you is to enjoy earning it! Unless she plans on getting a new husband.
Dont look down on those who are unfortunate. Respect old people and be nice to relatives but not to the extent of having to pay for their upkeep.
You keep what you earned. Prioritised your spending to yourself and family first. You are not obliged to provide expenses for those outside your immediate family. Do so only if you can sincerely smile and considers it as charity. Be down to earth and apologetic if you cannot give money and cooly explain you do not have the extras (even if you do).
If it is cheaper to eat out than buy provisions for the house, then go and eat out. Pretend that you are going to the market and decided to just eat out and too tired to cook. Buy only basic necessity like rice and let them worry about other dishes - at least you would not be accused of not feeding your relatives.
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