Sunday night tales

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Doctor: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Teoh was dead at the time?
Doctor: If not, he was by the time I finished.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
DR: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
DR: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
DR: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WDR: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
DR: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
DR: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law.

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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there with my legs wide.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Vivienne?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

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sent to me by Stanley

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