How many married men had questioned themselves whether they had married a wife or a servant.
When a man falls in love with a woman, the romantic relationship would blossom into a legal partnership that culminated with the church bell or temple gong blaring, pronouncing them as "Husband and Wife", for better or for worse.
Then, life had to evolve; they were no more single, and first and foremost in their mind, would be to plan for a family lifestyle. They will want children, to buy a nice apartment and to get an MPV. They will embark on a course of long-term liability management.
However, very often, the men would expect the wife to do housecores, to wash the clothes, to cook, and to make the house and to bear children. Somehow, many women, whether persuaded or natural, would take up these responsibilities, bearing childrens and raising them in their own image ... and often, lose their shape and curves.
It will come a time, some years later, when the husband might ponder: "Did he marry a wife or a servant?"
Of course, career women would say otherwise, particularly those couples who had to work to earn jointly to meet the financial burden they had embarked. But for some family, only the husband is the breadwinner. The wife would automatically become the "anointed servant".
But, would they ponder over the relationship and discover it's more of a servant-husband relationship. At the end of the day, the men would have found that he had "bought a cow in order to have the daily milk".
What about women's point of view? I wonder!
When a man falls in love with a woman, the romantic relationship would blossom into a legal partnership that culminated with the church bell or temple gong blaring, pronouncing them as "Husband and Wife", for better or for worse.
Then, life had to evolve; they were no more single, and first and foremost in their mind, would be to plan for a family lifestyle. They will want children, to buy a nice apartment and to get an MPV. They will embark on a course of long-term liability management.
However, very often, the men would expect the wife to do housecores, to wash the clothes, to cook, and to make the house and to bear children. Somehow, many women, whether persuaded or natural, would take up these responsibilities, bearing childrens and raising them in their own image ... and often, lose their shape and curves.
It will come a time, some years later, when the husband might ponder: "Did he marry a wife or a servant?"
Of course, career women would say otherwise, particularly those couples who had to work to earn jointly to meet the financial burden they had embarked. But for some family, only the husband is the breadwinner. The wife would automatically become the "anointed servant".
But, would they ponder over the relationship and discover it's more of a servant-husband relationship. At the end of the day, the men would have found that he had "bought a cow in order to have the daily milk".
What about women's point of view? I wonder!
8 comments:
I like to believe in the old adage - you get what you deserve or rightly, what you are prepared to receive.
So, single women should view their prospective partners with eyes wide open.
That said, sometimes I feel feminism is over-rated, to the extent that we see a breakdown in family values and the effect it is having on the children of the marriage.
In case I get brickbats thrown my way, I am NOT in support of male chauvinism.
I am just a firm believer of the old fashioned value - that one partner of the marriage should be at home to mind the kids, to feed them well and to teach them the right values. To be there when they need you. It does not matter whether it is the mom or dad.
Why have kids if both refuse to be responsible for them?
Yeah ... my apologies to chloe@purple if my comments came across as somewhat patronizing. I don't mean to insult your parents (and anyone else's out there ready to throw the sink at me!)
Maybe I shud have worded it this way:-
"How a man treats his wife and kids says a lot about the man himself."
Amoi,
Your views are expressive and eruditing. The hypothesis is not answered. The question was whether a wife had conform to her duties so much so that she pragmatically adopt the lifestyle and acts of a servant and in view of the large amount of time spent in doing housecores, thus neglected the role of a wife.
Purple,
Surely both father and mother can spent time to educate kids but someday the marriage fails because the husband only serve his duty as an employee and a father but not that of a husband, and the mother serves her duty as an employee, a mother, and a servant but exclude that of a wife.
Gee Mave, WHAT is exactly the role of a wife per se?
I think Mars and Venus will probably have very different expectations.
Romance? Sex? The surrendered wife thingy?
Life is tough these days Mave. Nothing kills a husband/wife relationship faster than the realities of living in this modern age.
But how many women have enough energy to play all the roles required of them as a wife/mother/daughter/sister, day in and day out? So, I guess some days, they need to focus on being an excellent wife, at other times, an excellent mother, and so on.
But not everything to everyone all the time. That's impossible.
It is sad but a lot of couples are waiting for the kids to grow up and leave the roost so that they can have their lives back as a couple and, hopefully, reclaim whatever has been lost/neglected along the way.
Perhaps the best approach when faced with this dilemma is to accept the flow gracefully as part and parcel of life and always maintain a sense of humour and keep your faith intact that, well, if you do your best and work in harmony as a couple, it will all fall into the right place eventually.
It doesn't have to be a all or nothing dilemma.
I have a feeling that it's hard to get this thing right, no matter how or what one says about this matter. In reality, I am still struggling with it myself.
Amoi,
I love the script from Interview with God:
“That they get bored with childhood,
They rush to grow up,
And then long to be children again.”
“That they lose their health
To make money …
And then lose their money
To restore their health.”
“That by thinking anxiously
About the future,
They forget the present,
Such that they live in
Neither the present
Nor the future.”
“That they live as if
They will never die,
And die as though
They had never lived.”
I forgot to add.
Regarding your comment that, along the way, a wife loses her shape and curves, my personal opinion is that the onus is on the wife to keep herself trim and attractive to her husband.
It is a measure of her self-esteem and pride to take good care of herself so that her husband does not have to feel embarrassed to be seen with her.
But there will always been irresponsible men who, no matter how good or lovely their wife is, will use the tiniest excuse to reject them for someone new.
Such men will probably delight in saying that they are doing it because they realized that they have been duped into buying "a cow" home.
Amoi,
You are such great woman... keep your shape and curve; believe me, men loves it irrespective what they say! No excuse if wife keeps the appetite right!!!
Marriage is a partnership. Each has responsibilty to perform. It is not the wife's eternal duty to be keepers of the kitchen and laundry. She is more to inculcate love and good values in the family and see to the cohesiveness of the partnership (internal growth / stability). Traditionally the husband chore is outside the home with responsibility to provide for the family and educate them (external growth / breadth). Both internal and external health are needed.
If the wife does all the household chores willingly and happily, it helps a lot. Husband who fail to appreciate this is a disgrace to the title `Husband'. If the wife also helps to provide, the divisional demarcation line should be correspondingly adjusted in the name of partnership. Whatever the responsibility remains. Feminism and chauvinism not withstanding, male and female differs in their inherent strenght and disposition and as such role and responsibilities in the family....
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