Words of Wisedoom for the holidays

" We spend the first twelve months of our children's life teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. "
- Phyllis Diller


" Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. "
- Mickey Rooney


" Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison. "
- Tim Allen


" Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. "
- Erica Jong



" In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out. "
- Joey Adams



" I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. "
- Henry Youngman


"Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born ? "
- Benny Hill



" When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. "
- Erno Philips


" As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... "
- Sir Norman Wisdom