Murphy's Work Laws

Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. This is what I'm doing wrong.

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Never ask two questions in a business letter. The reply will discuss the one you are least interested in, and say nothing about the other.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.

The last person that quit or was fired will be the one held responsible for everything that goes wrong - until the next person quits or is fired.

There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but don't worry as there is always enough time to do it all over again.

The more pretentious a corporate name, the smaller the organization. (For instance, The Murphy Center for Codification of Human and Organizational Law, contrasted to IBM, GM, AT&T ...).

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

People are always available for work in the past tense.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Dickhead handle this?"

The longer the title, the less important the job.

Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.

An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look extremely worried.

To err is human, to forgive is not the company's policy.