Friday, October 03, 2008

The World Wide Weep

Customer: "I am getting a 'Page Cannot Be Displayed' message."
Tech Support: "Ok, let's try our home page."
Customer: "That worked."
Tech Support: "Ok, let's try another page like www.cnn.com."
Customer: "That worked too."
Tech Support: "I don't see any problems then."
Customer: "Well I tried that page I was trying, and it did it again."
Tech Support: "What's the site's address?"
Customer: "(address).com."
Tech Support: "Hmmm. It looks like the site is down."
Customer: "Yeah, I know it is. Can you fix it now, please?"
Tech Support: "It's not one of our sites, so we can't fix it."
Customer: "What do you mean you can't fix it? You are my Internet provider. You should be able to fix it."
Tech Support: "No, we cannot. We do not own that site."
Customer: "Let me speak to your supervisor. You're just stupid and trying to brush me off."

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Tech Support: "Yeah, just go to our website it's at www.[our company].com...yeah, three w's, then a dot, then [our company], then a dot then 'com'...yeah, that's right. . . . What do you mean, how do you spell 'dot'?"

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Customer: "Whenever I try to go to your sports site, I end up at this other page. I even typed the correct address in the bar to make sure that I got there."
Tech Support: "What browser are you using? We need to check to see if your browser is new enough to view our sites."
Customer: "Well...I must be using the newest browser. I'm using Yahoo. I think they'd update their browser! Hold on. Let me check Alta Vista really quick."

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On day my English teacher was trying to teach the class how to do research on the Internet.

Teacher: "What browser do you use to get on the Internet?"
Student: "Internet Explorer."
Teacher: "No, no...the browser that you use to get around the Internet. Which do you use?"
Student: "Microsoft Internet Explorer."
Teacher: "You connect with Internet Explorer, but what is your browser? You know, Yahoo, Webcrawler...?"
And for the rest of the semester he insisted that a search engine was the same thing as a browser. And every time he said it, I dug my fingers in the desk to keep from screaming at him.

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Customer: "I need something off the web, and I don't have any way to use a browser!"
Tech Support: "There's a browser called 'lynx' that you can use from a shell." (gives a brief description of how to use it)
Customer: "What's lynx? I need a browser!"
Tech Support: (again mentions lynx and says how to use it)
Customer: "I need a browser. If you can't help me, get someone else to answer my emails."

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Tech Support: "Well, just go to [URL]."
Customer: "How do I do that?"
Tech Support: "Type it in in your web browser."
Customer: "Huh?"
Tech Support: "Ok...sir...do you have Internet access?"
Customer: "Huh? No. No Internet. I don't even have a computer."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir, you need a computer and an Internet account to access web sites."
Customer: "Oh. Well, it didn't say that when I mailed in the membership card. I want my money back."

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A librarian at one of our libraries was surfing the web one day and came across a site that said it was best viewed using the Internet Explorer browser. So she called me and said she needed a "browser" to view this site, and could we install a browser onto her system?

I told her that if she was viewing the site already, she was already using a browser, but, unsatisfied with that answer, she went over my head to the Directory of Libraries and said that we were being uncooperative about providing her with a browser.

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Submitted by BayiSingh

5 comments:

moo_t said...

FYI, Lynx is a text browser. use in text screen mostly in Linux OS. That is a technical pun ;)

Maverick SM said...

Moo_t,

thanks for the pointer.

Anonymous said...

typical of any lady, always want to be scr...d not realising that it's only a 'sedekah', he,he,he.

moo_t said...

Ops sorry, I left out some details.
Linux Operating system can run graphical user interface(GUI), and firefox can run on top of it. Lynx is just an early day browser alternative, especially for those with low speed line and using Linux.

Maverick SM said...

Moo_t,

Thanks for your kind effort. I am learning more.