Malaysian Parable: Noah & the Ark

In the year 2003, Angel Gabriel came unto Noah, who now lives in Malaysia, and said: Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and God wants you to build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, Angel G looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no Ark.

Noah! Gabriel roared, God is about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?

Forgive me, begged Noah, 'but things have changed.

First I need to have a PKK Licence and a Bumi partner who is linked to UMNO and then I needed a building permit from DBKL and also have to pay money to get the permit .

Then I've to argue with the BOMBA inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors complained to The Malay Mail of the height of the ark I was going to build and the next day it was in the headlines claiming that I've violated the building by-laws that my Ark is exceeding the height limitations. I appealed to the political masters and it was later approved.

The Opposition took advantage of the situation and said I was a government crony and did nasty things with my face in the Internet. I don’t know how they superimposed my face on a naked body with naked MP’s and portrayed it on the U TUBE. Oh Lord, you are the all knowing and I did not take the photos with the MP.

Then I received a stop work order even before I could start work. The Badan Rasuah arrested me for pornography.

I talked to a lawyer who looks like Ambitah Bachan, who talk slike him and acts like him but is not him ...and he said he knows the CJ and the PM the Apa ..nama ... and can clear my name but I have to buy them tickets to New Zealand.

After clearing my name, I had to again go to the DBKL Appeal Board for a decision to allow me to build the Ark.

Then government after approving the plans said I must use only SIRIM approved goods and must engage sub-contractors from their list of CLASS F registered contractors who do not have the ability to buy the materials and wanted me to buy on their behalf and to pay them 15% advance payment.

Then the TNB and JPJ demanded a banker's guarantee to be deposited and pay the fees for the costs of relocating the power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. Jabatan Hutan said there's a ban on cutting trees in order to preserve the orang utans.

I tried to convince Jabatan Hutan that I needed the wood to save the orang hutan, but they said no go.

When I started gathering the animals, JAKIM and an Animal rights group sued me. JAKIM said I cannot put the chickens and the pigs next to each other as it is haram and the animal group insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then Jabatan Kerja Raya and Jabatan Kajian dan Galian ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study, the drainage and road systems.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many bumiputera sub-contractors I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Then Jabatan Immigresen and Rela wants to check the status and working permits of workers.

The trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only union workers with Ark-building experience.

As I started to clear the area to build the Ark, 6 gangsters came and demanded for protection money. And said they will control the area for selling of drugs and prostitution to my workers.

When I complained to the POLIS... the next day they sent an ASP who came in full uniform. Unfortunately he also happens to be know the gangsters and arrested me for suspicion of protecting the gangsters.

Then there was a by election and I was asked to be an UMNO member to get my permits approved and made to pay a donation by the candidate in the so called spirit of MUHIBBAH; otherwise my life would be difficult.

Every department I turn to is asking for a cup of kopi-o”.

I calculated that if I had to pay all the so called kopi money and give some other donations the cost to build the ARK will be 20 times more higher… I refused to give pay for the kopi-o as I am faithful to you Oh Lord.

Then some top level politicians we very disappointed with me and called me a murtad but I told them my name is Noah not murtad; they got very angry and said something like ... derhaka.

Suddenly I am a suspect behind the murder of the Mongolian lady because the place where she was murdered happens to be on the land where I am going to make the Ark and was arrested.

To make matters worse, the Jabatan HASIL seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. I have just been released from ISA.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord.

'The Malaysian Government beat me to it!'

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Story from: Celia Cat